How To Get Closure Without Closure
There are many times a significant piece of our lives end and we are left empty. We never saw it coming, so when it happen, we start to lose grip and wonder where it all went wrong.
Closure means an act to let go of what once was; a finality. Something that could probably give you answers to the cause of a certain loss in order to resolve the painful feelings.
As human beings, it’s only natural for us to wonder why.
Why me?
Why is this happening?
Just, why?
But sometimes there is no why and you have to be okay with that.
“Closure is just as delusive-it is the false hope that we can deaden our living grief,” -Stephen Grosz.
This past year has been difficult for me — and of course, all of us. I remember how I lost a job that I loved so much, had to leave the place that has been my very own sanctuary to heal for the past 5 years, went back to my uncomfortable-zone and feeling helpless. It was devastating.
It took me blood, sweat, and tears to be where I am right now. To just simply be alive, breathing, and writing this post to share what I do to cope with all of those negativity.
Grieve
Yes, you read that right. I won’t advise you to be positive, see the good in things, be grateful yada yada because oh, heaven knows it’s not helping.
If you are in the state of grieving, then be it. You are not in a good condition, be it.
Cry if you want to cry; let your tears pour out and wash away the bad energy that lives within you. Study says that crying may help relieving pain. It also release oxytocin and endorphins that can help to improve mood. Crying is cathartic, darling.
Tell someone (that actually cares)
It is painful, but I can assure you, you are not alone.
Vent to someone that you trust with all of your heart. It could be your parents, your best friend, your S.O, or even your dog pet (p.s. I’m hella serious about this). You need someone to listen. They don’t even have to advise you, just someone that could be a good listener.
Do something
I know this sounds cliché, but all of this grieving will mainly demolish your mental health. And if you keep that up, you will slowly lose yourself.
Find something that you can do, to reminds you that you are here. You are alive, and you exist in this present world. Just simple small things. Be it starting a journal, solving puzzle that you left unsolved years ago, cleaning your room that look like a shipwreck, changing your bed sheet, sorting out your clothes and organize them according to colors, or even cleaning that old couch on your living room. Ever heard about a man found US$43,000 cash in a thrift-shop couch? Yea, you know what I mean.
Don’t force yourself
Healing is about accepting the imperfections and transforming to a better self. Some took days, some got better for weeks, some took years and some even don’t know how long this will last. It’s a process of making a consommé not instant noodles. Hell, even instant noodles have a cooking process on the back of its package.
Take your time. You want to heal and get better not doing a pointless self-torture.
After everything, here’s the bitter truth: There is no such thing as closure.
So stop the wild goose chase.
The closure was when that person or that job or whatever it is no longer meant to exist in your life anymore. And it’s definitely okay.
Leave all those things behind where it belong, close the door and never look back. Focus on improving yourself and believe that better things are coming for you.
This is your closure.
